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Too self-absorbed?: Try compassion as an antidote

10 September 2021

By Mike Conway

The Mind is such a powerful thing.  Week 12 in lockdown has been the strangest so far.   Earlier in the week, I have just completed another block of work supporting the Socceroos as emotional and mind coach in our goal of reaching the 2022 World Cup. 10 wins in a row -how incredible.  That gave me a good dose of healthy optimism to counteract the challenges of the pandemic.  However, since then, I’ve found myself meandering into the memory bank of life more than I have for many years. I now realise why.   I found an old hard drive and wasn’t sure what its contents were.  So I plugged it into my desktop computer.  A photographic history of life from 2001 to 2015 emerged.  Many moments that had long been forgotten. I was transported into each image within a nanosecond.  It’s incredible how the  Mind can reconnect those images and translate them into memories so easily and then in turn have a significant impact on an emotional state.

As I flicked through the photo library, there were two photos that affected me more than any other. They took me back to a very specific moment where life changed.

The first was taken of the mangled wreckage of the World Trade Center just a few weeks after the horror of 9/11 which many of us had witnessed and which affected so many through the terrible loss of life.

As I took the second photograph outside St Paul’s Chapel at Ground Zero, being witness to the outpouring of emotion in support of our fellow human beings was not easy to describe.

What I can describe was a deep connection with the people around me.  All strangers.

The challenges I had been personally facing in the months previously seemed to become less significant at that moment. This rather self-absorbed and selfish soul had been feeling sorry for himself for a few months. But, this was a moment where my own problems were put to one side.  In fairness, I had just lost one of my own loves of my life a few weeks earlier.  My sister passed away at 39 years old to a brain aneurism in the July of the same year.   A massive loss leaving me rather fragile and helpless.  But at this moment, at 209 Broadway New York, my whole being turned towards empathy and compassion. I remember briefly talking to an older man who had travelled from Italy who was signing his name on the banner of compassion.  We talked briefly.  He had a family member who had lost their life.  He wasn’t in New York in anger or bitterness.  He was there to help and support. In the midst of the deep sadness, we talked about the many incredible stories of bravery and compassion which emerged for our fellow human beings.  We hugged.. two strangers.  A deep understanding of what we both had to do next in our life was forged.

Suddenly the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade I had just experienced with The Wiggles just a day or so before made sense.  My thanksgiving became the opportunity to make a difference to others.  The realisation is that spending time focused on self is not the answer.

In this extraordinary week, we’ve been reminded that we have the opportunity to make a big difference to someone even with a small act of kindness.  Asking someone “R U OK?"  Through the incredible legacy left by Gavin Larkin, the late Founder of the RUOK Foundation, he and now his family and many followers remind us of this. Focusing on others can also provide a significant improvement recipe for your own troubles.  This is my own experience.  In a heartbeat, you take yourself away from your own issues through helping others and over time you reframe your mind towards a more healthy outlook.

This week I am trying to do this. Our XVenture contribution includes the launch of two major community programs:

  • providing teachers and our school kids a program to help with their resilience during tricky times (www.xventureschools.com);
  • providing 75 football coaches in Nepal, India and in Australia a scholarship to the FCA XVenture Essential Skills program ('Play it Forward' www.fcaxvcollege.com).

 

This weekend I will light a candle in memory of those who suffered as a result of the experience of 9/11/01.  I will also give thanks for the opportunity I’ve been given to make a difference. What can you do? Is there someone who is asking for your help?

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These terms and conditions are be governed by the laws in force in the State of New South Wales, Australia and each party hereto irrevocably submits to the exclusive jurisdiction of the Courts of that State.